every woman should know...

okay so...this might be a little corny, but i actually really like it. i stumbled upon this today, and i think it's pretty powerful...

i've highlighted the ones in purple that i really like (because purple is my favorite color...duh)

A woman should have…

…enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…

A woman should have…

…something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A woman should have…

…a youth she’s content to leave behind…a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age…

A woman should have…

…a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…

A woman should have…

…one friend who always makes her laugh…and one who lets her cry…

A woman should have…

…a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…

A woman should have…

…eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…

A woman should have…

…a feeling of control over her destiny.

Every woman should know…

…how to fall in love without losing herself…

Every woman should know…

…how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship…

Every woman should know…

…when to try harder…and when to walk away…

Every woman should know…

…that she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents…

Every woman should know…

…that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…

Every woman should know…

…what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

Every woman should know…

…how to live alone…even if she doesn’t like it…

Every woman should know…

…whom she can trust…whom she can’t…and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

Every woman should know…

…where to go…be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…or a charming inn in the woods…when her soul needs soothing…

Every woman should know…

…what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…a month…and a year…

the outsiders

at the beginning of last semester, i found a band that legitimately changed my life. it started off as just a few songs, but the more songs of theirs i stumbled into, the more i figured out that i basically loved all of their music. it wasn't until after i was sufficiently obsessed with them that i also figured out that most of their songs are love songs for the Lord. that's been pretty exciting.

music is my love language.

i love sharing my music with others and showing them why it means so much to me. so when i shared this band with my friends, i was so excited that they loved it as much as i did. this year it has been challenging for us to all stay close as our lives continue to grow in separate but equally exciting directions. but this band has been something that has helped us stay connected to each other.

so today, as i listen to needtobreathe and work on my endless amounts of homework, i can't help but be grateful. God has blessed me with such phenomenal people and He has been so clever in the ways that He ties us all together.

miss you already.

we put our family dog to sleep today. only anyone that knows our family and has met lexi understands how devastating losing her is.

i will never EVER forget being 12 years old and singling her out from all of the other precious puppies, knowing that she was ours. since then she has been a part of every major holiday, big family (our colorado family that is) get togethers, almost all of my late-night cry sessions, and uncountable cuddle fests. i used to have conversations with lexi, because i still believe that sometimes she was the only one that could understand. yes, it's kind of strange, but anyone that has a pet that seems to be almost human will get it.

i was so thankful that i was able to be home to say goodbye to her. i cried as i talked to her and loved on her, i gave her as many treats as she wanted, and then i told her how much i loved her. we took a nap together and she snuggled up close to me, almost like she knew she was going away soon. i think animals just have a sense for these kinds of things.

it truly feels as if a member of our family is gone. how devastating. and yet, more than devastating it's just made me realize how thankful i am that she has been a part of our family for ten years. lexi blessed me and my family so immensely. no other pet will ever replace her. she has given me so many wonderful memories and was always such a true and loyal companion. if any dog deserves to go to heaven, it's lexi.

so yes, i believe there are pets in heaven. and it's filled with infinite tennis balls for lexi to chase and slippers and stuffed animals for her to chew.

you can never replace your childhood pet/companion. everyone can relate to that. so while some may think i'm crazy for how much i love my pets, i am thankful. thankful for her, and how much she has blessed me and my family.

so we're missing you already lexi. and say hi to gram for me.

looney.

so recently, i have had quite a bit of time to myself. it's funny because i have always been one to thrive in the quiet. i find joy in silence. even when i'm with people i value those quiet moments. i think one of the greatest indicators of a good friend is when you can sit in a car or be in each other's presence and say nothing. being together is simply enough. filling up the quiet with endless chatter just isn't necessary. now don't get me wrong, on any given day i can be a motor mouth with the best of them (really, just ask kailey). but i've always been recharged by the quiet moments in my life.

but while the quiet is usually so fulfilling for me, recently i have become acutely aware that when it's quiet, i'm usually alone. now this may seem like a pretty obvious observation to some, but it has seemed pretty profound to me. usually it's during these times that it becomes pretty easy for me to get lost in my own thoughts and world. so essentially i've come to 2 conclusions:

the first is that i don't think i enjoy quiet as much as i once did. i think that i still need it from time to time so that i can relax and recharge, but i think i'm coming to realize that pretty soon, my life will consist of nothing but quiet. we are all going our separate ways soon enough, and then my world will be quieter than i've known it to be for a very long time.

the second is how much i love my kitty. ok, this sounds lame and kind of crazy cat lady-esque and know that i almost backspaced and didn't include it in my little revelations, but it really is true. let me explain. luna is ALWAYS excited to see me when i come home. she meows and sprints for the door as soon as she hears me. anytime i'm sitting down, she's no more than 3 feet away from me. she spoons with me when i sleep (and i must say i never thought i would enjoy being the big spoon), and she follows me from room to room making sure that she has a constant tab on what i'm up to. she's here when no one else is. and might i add she's slightly crazy, so she does ridiculously weird and funny things that i am often fortunate enough to catch on camera. despite what a little freak she is, i love her, and she really does make me feel like i'm not as lonely when everyone else is away.

so while i am so thankful for great friends and yes, i'm still grateful to have quiet time, it's also nice to have a little snuggly buddy around that's never mad at you (except when i put her in her kennel to take her somewhere), annoyed by you, or trying to look for someone better or more interesting than you.

so as it turns out, i know nothing.

it's a strange journey, the last semester of college. what i have always thought would be the most exciting and defining moments of my college years have turned out to be the most uncertain, unsettling, and without a doubt the most unplanned moments instead. i'm still grappling with the fact that graduation day is quickly approaching and it seems that life's uncertainty is racing to my doorstep.

for anyone that knows me, it is no surprise to hear that i am a planner. i live life logically, doing my best to foresee every step that i take. it comes in handy when a plan is necessary, but is also one of my greatest weaknesses. an uncertain future is anything but thrilling to me.

i've always thought i was way ahead of the curve, knowing exactly what i was going to do after i graduated. i never had to worry about the path that i would take, or finding what i loved and believed in. i already knew.

it was kids. it was teaching. and i loved it. and i believed in it.

for a person with a plan, i felt so blessed that i had figured it out. i was set. now i could coast. WRONG. oh man was i wrong. i have the the ever-crumbling state of our economy and the biggest budget cuts our public education system have ever seen to thank for leaving me and every other recent college graduate high and dry.

so now, i'm in a situation i've never been in before.

i have options.

oh sweet lord. that's terrifying. it sucks that i know what i love and what i so desperately want to do and may not be able to get my foot in the door for a few years. so what do i do?

well, my masters is always an option. but really? more school already?

subbing is the most sensible option, but unfortunately, while supporting myself, it may be extremely difficult to sub considering i will also have to get a job i can depend on for an income to pay my bills.

or i could go overseas. is it possible that i could leave everything i know, including my mom whom i depend on for basically all of my emotional needs? while it's so incredibly scary, it could also be the best, most stretching, most character building thing i could ever do.

i talked to my mom for a long time today about how scary this point in life is. truthfully, i don't know what i want anymore. and really, i don't know anything. whoa. that sucks.

but my mother is probably the most incredible woman that i know. if any one person will encourage me to do exactly what i want to do, and remind me that we don't always get what we want when we want (thank you, rolling stones), it would be my mother. she reminded me that while there are hundreds of other teachers, just like me, that will be searching for jobs this year and that truthfully there is absolutely nothing that sets me apart from any of them, GOD knows exactly where i need to be. it's true, every job won't be perfect for me. God never promised to give me that. but my mom helped remind me that i do have faith that God will put me exactly where he wants me.

i may not know much, and i may have no freaking idea where i will be come august, but for the first time, it's kind of exciting. thanks God, for making life uncertain and sometime sscary. because really, if i had my way and everything went according to plan, the world would be a very boring place.

oh and thanks God, for my mom. she's pretty great.

oh how good my God is.

okay so i'm just sitting at school right now...there are papers to grade and a unit to plan, copies to make and overheads to create. even still, i am just sitting at my desk, writing on my blog, which by the way is totally not something i should be doing right now. the room is dark without the sun peaking in through the windows. it is a wall of white outside and the windows are letting the cold air slowly seep into my classroom. it is completely quiet, except for my growling tummy, because like an idiot, i forgot my lunch at home. but it is here of all places that i stumbled upon an enormous feeling of peace.

in this immense quiet, in this peaceful place, i realized how good my God is. i don't know what it was, maybe it's been the gift of laughter that my first three periods have given me. maybe it's the quieting of my heart for the first time in awhile, but at this very moment i am blown away by my God. he is SO GOOD.

thanks God, for letting me teach. i love kids. i love laughing. i LOVE teaching.

beginnings.

so my wonderful roommate kailey has had a blog for awhile now, and finally has inspired me (despite my best efforts to avoid it) to create one of my own. so, here i am, against everything inside of me, blogging.

as i thought about the purpose of my blog, i came to two conclusions:

1. i don't really care if anyone reads it.

2. it would still be kind of cool if someone did.

in all of my extensive education courses, that i have hated with my entire being, i have been asked to reflect upon field experiences and try to get something applicable out of them. and then i write about it. for a grade. i guess that would be the purpose of a blog as well - reflecting on experiences that i think are important and then figuring out what i have taken from them. also, what better way to log away the good things, and also the bad, that make up the world that i live in? it's like a scrapbook, but requires significantly less work and creativity.

so here it is. my non-creative quasi-scrapbook blog.